IF聽Grindr has been letting you down, you might have thought about paying for sex. You might have even been paid for it yourself.
In the LGBTI community, sex work is surprisingly common. About queer men in particular have done sex work.
Cam Cox is CEO of the (SWOP) in NSW. The organisation is run by sex workers for sex workers, and has special programs to support queer, male and trans workers.
鈥淭he gay rights and sex worker rights movements emerged at around the same time in the late 70s,鈥� says Cam.
鈥淭rans women sex workers of colour were the instigators of the Stonewall riots in New York. Here in Sydney, not only were many LGBTI people who marched on Kings Cross in 1978 sex workers, many non-queer sex workers joined in those protests to support their gay brothers and sisters.鈥�
The lines between straight and queer can be blurred in sex work. Cam points out that gay workers might sometimes go 鈥渟traight for pay鈥� when they鈥檙e offered work by someone of the opposite sex. Clients may also be straight men who want to explore their sexuality by paying for gay sex.
Some workers who are heterosexual and see opposite-sex clients identify as queer because of their sex work.
鈥淚 would consider them queer,鈥� says Cam. 鈥淭hey have a queer identity that鈥檚 bound up in their sex work, because they consider sex work in itself to be a queer act.鈥�
Cam started his career as a street-based worker in Sydney, prior to sex work being decriminalised in NSW.
鈥淚 was a wall boy when I left school. It wasn鈥檛 much fun back then, under criminalisation,鈥� he says.
鈥淭he internet has affected street work. It鈥檚 gone from someone on every corner to basically no one, and that鈥檚 because people have moved off the streets and onto the internet.
鈥淚 have to admit I miss the streets, the streets were a wonderful place to work. You can see the client in front of you and make a decision whether you want to see them or not.鈥�
Almost all male escorts in Australia now work privately. Few places have a market for gay brothels, though Sydney has a couple.
鈥淥ne of the problems we see for male sex workers is isolation,鈥� says Cam. 鈥淲e all work from our homes via the internet, and if you鈥檙e relying solely on sex work as your income, you might go and see a client, go out to the gym or to get food, and not much else.
鈥淐abin fever can start to set in. And because it鈥檚 a competitive industry, people don鈥檛 tend to form friendships easily with other sex workers, or even get to meet another sex worker unless you get involved in a double booking.鈥�
Because of the stigma around sex work, many keep their job a secret. 鈥淥ften not even their boyfriend knows,鈥� says Cam. 鈥淎nd if they have a bad day or whatever, they鈥檝e got no one to talk to.
鈥淲e have a service called SWOP Connect, run by sex workers, where you can ring up and speak to one of us, and offload about how crap your day鈥檚 been to someone who鈥檚 had plenty of crap days in their career.鈥�
Cam believes there鈥檚 still a huge amount of stigma and discrimination against sex workers, but it鈥檚 hard to say whether gay workers encounter more problems with it.
鈥淔emale workers are stigmatised because they鈥檙e female, there鈥檚 a lot of misogyny out there, and then they鈥檙e sex workers as well,鈥� he says.
鈥淲e have our gay identity, and then we鈥檙e also stigmatised because we鈥檙e sex workers. The public, especially the straight public, often assumes we鈥檙e the 鈥榩assive鈥� partners and therefore feminine. Most people assume we鈥檙e HIV positive, so you get that intersecting stigma as well.鈥�
Cam says some of the discrimination comes from within the queer community.
鈥淥n one hand, if you鈥檙e a porn star or whatever, people look up to you, but they鈥檙e also looking to tear you down. They鈥檒l never take you home to meet their mum, you鈥檙e not considered boyfriend material, as a sex worker. They might want to date you so you can be a notch on the bedpost. There鈥檚 a lot of what we call whorephobia out there.鈥�
Joel Falcon is the male project worker at the , and also a sex worker himself. South Australia is the only place in Australia where sex work is completely illegal.
He says because the industry is illegal, it鈥檚 not restricted by regulations like in most other states.
鈥淪ome workers think in a way it鈥檚 better than working in say Victoria, where you have to register with the government,鈥� says Joel.
However, workers run the risk of being caught by the police.
鈥淏rothels and street-based sex workers are generally the people most targeted,鈥� says Joel.
Male workers, being mostly private escorts, are harder to monitor, so they tend to get left alone unless the police receive direct complaints from neighbours.
鈥淥f course it can change at any time, but currently it鈥檚 almost unheard of for private workers to be targeted,鈥� Joel explains.
鈥淚f there were a gay brothel it鈥檚 hard to know if it would be targeted as well. Certainly the rhetoric about sex work is nearly always centred around women, so the cops perhaps wouldn鈥檛 even think of men as sex workers.鈥�
Joel says last year鈥檚 shutdown of the Rentboy website was the first action of its kind to directly target male sex workers and their advertising.
鈥淭hey probably thought they were untouchable for that very reason, the way things are policed according to gender,鈥� he says.
Joel agrees that there鈥檚 鈥渉uge amounts of whorephobia鈥� in the gay community.
鈥淚f you go into any gay bar and out yourself as a sex worker, the first response would probably be: you鈥檙e a slut,鈥� he says.
鈥淭he lack of support for the sex worker community and the sex worker rights movement is a real shame.鈥�
Joel hasn鈥檛 heard of many gay escorts having trouble with homophobic straight clients.
鈥淢y overwhelming experience is dudes who come to see me are really appreciative, and homophobia is kind of the last thing on their list,鈥� he says. 鈥淢ore often than not they see it as a safe space for them to explore.
鈥淚鈥檝e heard from other workers about times where the client has even used it as like a counselling session, in relation to coming out or being a straight guy who has sex with men.鈥�
As well as gay male escorts, of course there are also queer women sex workers.
Ellie, 31, is a trans escort based in Sydney who sees clients of all genders. She鈥檚 been in sex work since she was 15, starting in street-based work before working for an agency. She鈥檚 now a private escort and travels regularly to see clients around the country.
Ellie says the best part of sex work is meeting different people and having new experiences. When asked if she鈥檚 ever had a favourite client, she鈥檚 quick to answer.
鈥淎 famous guy, I won鈥檛 mention his name,鈥� she says.
鈥淚鈥檇 get flown up to him and picked up. We went to the Whitsundays one year, another time it was Barbados. I didn鈥檛 get to see much of it though, I was just driven to the location and back again. It was a private mansion, very extravagant. But it was all hush-hush, you couldn鈥檛 go out with them, and no one was allowed to know anything.鈥�
Ellie says the money is a big draw of sex work. She bought her first home with the pay from her high-profile client. But it鈥檚 not just the money that keeps the job appealing to her.
鈥淚 get a lot of gratification from it,鈥� says Ellie. 鈥淚 don鈥檛 think I could have a relationship now. I don鈥檛 want one. For me, sex work is like my relationship.
鈥淚鈥檓 very genuine in my work and I have a lot of fun. You never know who you鈥檙e gonna meet, where you鈥檙e gonna go, what you鈥檙e gonna do. It鈥檚 exciting.鈥�
Ellie acknowledges that she doesn鈥檛 always love everything about her work.
鈥淵ou may not like your client,鈥� she says. 鈥淭hey may be aggressive or violent. They may be argumentative or not want to wear a condom. They may try to rob you.鈥�
Ellie says she doesn鈥檛 often have problems with clients though. 鈥淚 can be quite persuasive,鈥� she adds cheekily.
As far as her gender goes, she doesn鈥檛 often encounter transphobic clients.
鈥淓xcept if they don鈥檛 know, like if I pick them up at the casino,鈥� she says.
鈥淚鈥檒l ask them, you do know what I am, and they go yeah yeah yeah. Then later they鈥檙e shocked that I have a dick, and they say they didn鈥檛 know I meant that. But then they usually say鈥� okay, we鈥檒l do it anyway.鈥�
Sarah*, a queer cis woman, hired a female escort for her 21st birthday. At the time she was in an open relationship with a man, and had also been with women before.
She had recently started doing sex work herself, and looked into other escorts鈥� advertising to help establish her own business, when she decided to treat herself to some time with a working lady as a birthday indulgence.
鈥淪he said she had a few other female clients she saw regularly,鈥� says Sarah. 鈥淭hey were all bisexual women in straight relationships, and most had their appointments bankrolled by their male partners.鈥�
Sarah remembers the session very positively.
鈥淚t was pretty great,鈥� she says. 鈥淲e started with a massage then moved to the bed.鈥�
How did it compare to other experiences she鈥檇 had with women?
鈥淚t was different in that it was so 鈥榤e focused鈥�. I was there for me, and she was there to provide me with a good time.
鈥淚 think it鈥檚 a super worthwhile thing for a woman to do for herself,鈥� says Sarah. 鈥淟ike a sexy spa day.鈥�
*Not her real name
You May Also Like
