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CONTENT NOTE: This article discusses different kinds of gender-affirming genital reconfiguration surgery (colloquially known as bottom surgery) trans men can choose, so describes major medical procedures in depth.

When I first started testosterone, I knew as much about 鈥�bottom surgery鈥� as I did about rocket science.

I knew it existed, and that it was super complicated, but like a real firework I didn鈥檛 want to get too close in case it blew up in my face or turned out to be a fizzler.

I assumed that I鈥檇 have to travel to an exotic land and hand over a bag of gold to a mysterious penis-monger.

I assumed that I鈥檇 have to buy a tie and a moustache and disguise myself as a binary manly-man. I assumed that the options were 12 inches or nothing.

I was unsure why everyone called it 鈥渂ottom surgery鈥� when I was pretty sure penises were supposed to go on the front.

But it turns out that getting a penis is much cheaper and easier than I thought, and there鈥檚 heaps of options to choose from.

Meta: the pocket rocket of penises

Developed in the early 2000s, or 鈥渕eta鈥� is a surgical technique that essentially rearranges into a micropenis.聽

The most basic sort is a 鈥渟imple release鈥�, where the ligament that ties the head of the penis to the pelvis is cut, and the inner labia are wrapped up to make a shaft.

However, meta is highly customisable, the pick-n-mix of genital reconstruction.聽

As part of a metoidioplasty you can have your vagina removed, or you can keep it. You can have a scrotum with big dangly balls, soft cushiony balls, or you can keep your balls entirely metaphorical. You can reroute your pee to come out of your new penis, or you can keep the urethra where it is. You can get a rod inserted for firmer erections, or you can leave it out. You can lift the whole area up so the penis is sitting higher up on the pelvis. You can combine any number of these things.

There鈥檚 one choice you can鈥檛 make: there鈥檚 only , who is based in Queensland. If you want variety, you鈥檒l have to go overseas.

Meta also doesn鈥檛 offer much in terms of size; you鈥檒l go home with basically the same length as you arrived with, just neater and blinged up. As trans guy鈥檚 penises range from 2-6cm, this means you鈥檒l be getting a micropenis. If penetrating people is your goal, meta might not be enough.

Meta isn鈥檛 a budget penis, but it鈥檚 more like souping up your Suzuki hatchback than getting a new Ferrari. You can expect your metiodioplasty to start from $10,000 and take from 1-4 surgeries with a recovery period of around 6 weeks each time, depending on the options you choose.

Phallo: a marvel of engineering

involves creating a full-sized peen using skin grafts, usually from the forearm, thigh, or back.

This procedure is much more complex and expensive. It requires multiple surgeries, usually over a period of a few years. However, at the end of it you do get a very nice large penis capable of penetration, which looks and feels like an average man鈥檚 cock.

This technique generally deconstructs the existing genitalia and wraps it up in layers of grafted tissue. This means that it can take a few months for the nerves to figure themselves out, and until then you might not be able to feel much except numbness or discomfort. You鈥檒l also have a significant wound on the site the tissue is taken from. At the end, your penis will have sensation, though perhaps not quite as much intense sensitivity as your original bits.

Like meta, you can choose to keep or remove your vagina, build a custom scrotum, pee through your penis or not, or move it higher up. You also have further options: to ask for a particular length or girth, have a foreskin, implant different types of penile implants, or tattoo lifelike veins on it when it鈥檚 done. You can also keep your existing penis and then graft a new penis above it, for an exciting double act 鈥� one for penetration and one for sensation. Implants range from a flexible rod you can point up and down like a lewd action figure, to an internal cylinder you inflate by squeezing one of your testicles.聽

You can expect to pay from $30,000 and have from 2-5 surgeries, with a long recovery period for each one.

Nullification: for those who want for nothing

For non-binary people, nullification offers the option to remove the vagina and smooth out the area for a more neutral appearance.聽

While the area can鈥檛 be completely covered because you need to pee from somewhere, nullification means you can be free from the parts you don鈥檛 like, while not adding any more potential complications.

Nullification isn鈥檛 a common procedure at all, so to find out more details you鈥檒l need to ask one of the surgeons who do phalloplasty.

Bottom surgery: A happy ending

Buying a penis is still complicated, but it鈥檚 also the easiest it鈥檚 ever been.

Australia doesn鈥檛 have many dick docs, but we do have some of the best in the world 鈥� and with telehealth you don鈥檛 even need to put on pants to consult with one.

If you want to get your sausage without hitting too many snags, have a real think about your must-haves, your nice-to-haves, and your must-not-haves before your consultation.

Expect some back and forth with your surgeon about what you ideally want versus what is possible for your body and your budget. As these surgeries are very customisable there鈥檚 a ton of decisions to make, and it鈥檚 best not to make them while you鈥檙e counting down from 10 in the operating room.

Surgeries for trans men have really taken off in the past few years 鈥� so if you鈥檝e been thinking that bottom surgery is or , think again. Having a beautiful penis of your very own could be within your grasp.