
‘He loved to show me off’: inside the world of queer sugar babies
Sugar daddies and their babies aren鈥檛 only in the straight world. Jesse Jones spoke with two queer people who have given sugar dating a try.
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Alexander, a student in north Queensland, might have the best part-time job ever: he goes on dates and watches movies with other guys for money.
He鈥檚 a sugar baby, one of a growing group of people who hook up with cashed-up sugar daddies for financial support.
Despite being in a regional area, Alexander doesn鈥檛 have too much trouble finding dates. He uses the sugar dating website Seeking Arrangement to connect with guys who have money to spend on a good time.
鈥淚f I were in Brisbane or Sydney, I鈥檇 be doing very well for myself, but up here it鈥檚 a little bit trickier,鈥 he admits.
鈥淭here鈥檚 not very much of a gay community up here.鈥
The 19-year-old started sugaring a year ago because he needed the money and wanted to meet other queer guys.
鈥淚鈥檓 going to be at university for another couple of years, and I鈥檓 not expecting my parents to pay for everything that I need,鈥 he says.
鈥淭his way I get to meet people, and some of them are really seedy and disgusting, but you actually meet some really nice people.鈥
Alexander began sugaring before his gender transition. He notes that most sugar babies are women, and things can be a bit more complicated for a trans guy chatting with a prospective date.
鈥淚 always have to explain everything and make sure [being trans] is okay,鈥 he says.
鈥淭hey often understand that I鈥檓 a trans guy but not what that really means. They automatically assume you鈥檝e had all of your 鈥榳ork鈥 done.
鈥淭here鈥檚 an element of education. I鈥檝e become very good at playing teacher.鈥
Alexander, who describes himself as 鈥減retty picky鈥, initially meets sugar daddies for a lunch or coffee date to get to know them before committing to anything more intimate.
Despite the stereotype of sugar dating, he doesn鈥檛 have any ongoing allowance arrangements, but usually sees guys for a couple of paid dates.
鈥淢ost people are looking for one-off dates or non-exclusive stuff, which is what I want,鈥 he explains.
鈥淚t鈥檚 cash in hand, which is very handy for me as a student. Like, hey, here鈥檚 my textbook.
鈥淪ometimes it means I can eat a bit better than college food.鈥
Busting another myth, Alexander says sugaring isn鈥檛 all about sex for him.
鈥淚t takes me a date or two to decide whether I鈥檇 want to get into bed with someone,鈥 he says.
鈥淭here鈥檚 no such thing as a typical date. It can be dinner, or movies. I鈥檝e even had TV show marathons before.
鈥淪ometimes it can be pretty awesome.鈥
Jules Kim, CEO of national sex worker association Scarlet Alliance, says that while sugar dating might seem similar to escorting, those involved don鈥檛 always see it that way.
鈥淪ugar babies often don’t identify as ,鈥 Kim explains.
Peer sex worker organisations such as Scarlet Alliance provide services such as peer education, outreach, and support on topics from safer sex to legal information for anyone working in the sector, including sugar babies.
鈥淚 think sex worker organisations services are relevant and welcoming to a diverse range of people irrespective of how they may identify their work,鈥 Kim says.
Carly*, a bisexual Gold Coast sex worker, tried sugaring before deciding that being an escort was easier and paid better.
She made her start in the sex industry after a friend became an online dominatrix, opening her eyes to a whole new world of income.
鈥淲ho doesn鈥檛 want someone to help them financially?鈥 she asks.
Carly has had plenty of female clients as an escort but, like Alexander, found only men volunteering to be sugar daddies.
She says most of the guys she met through sugaring wanted to pay for sex without thinking of themselves as sex worker clients. Some of them seemed to want a lower-cost alternative to hiring an escort.
鈥淚 realised most are just wanting cheap sex from people who aren鈥檛 aware of what they could get,鈥 she says.
鈥淢ost said no to sex workers but offered money for sex. Extremely contradictory.鈥
Carly eventually found one regular sugar daddy who spoiled her with gifts, which she says is like 鈥渇inding a unicorn鈥 among the bunch. And it wasn鈥檛 just about sex for them either.
鈥淢y sugar daddy was all about dates,鈥 she says.
鈥淲e went to dinner, and he loved to show me off.
鈥淗e always bought me an insane amount of clothes and shoes that I could pick my outfits from. It was not about sex, more about affection and being there with him.
鈥淗e lived to spoil me.鈥
After an accident that left Carly in hospital, her sugar daddy helped with bills and even bought her a laptop so she would have something for entertainment. They still keep in touch and talk like old friends.
However, Carly found that most guys on the sugar dating website she used were looking for someone who would accept very little compensation for sex or companionship.
鈥淚鈥檝e had people say that $50 for a full 12 hours is amazing and I should be lucky,鈥 she says.
鈥淚t鈥檚 all mind games that they think you haven鈥檛 seen before.鈥
Carly says that sugaring is becoming very popular, but people underestimate how difficult it can be.
鈥淚t鈥檚 hard to find someone,鈥 she says.
鈥淎nd even harder to find someone that isn鈥檛 trying to rip you off.鈥
*Not her real name





